Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
