I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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