Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
