you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
