he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
