So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's never too late to be topless.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize