I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
