Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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