Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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