Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
