I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
