I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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