i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Randomize
