I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
