Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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