first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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