2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
