Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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