your thong is hanging out like whoa
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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