:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
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I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
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I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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