all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
