we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
