i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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