My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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