dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
