We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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