drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
you never un-have a 4some
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
