TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
