Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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