All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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