Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
