I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
