So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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