Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
