i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
