The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
