I can't watch pbs sober anymore
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
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Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
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Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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