The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
