I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have feelings that need drinking.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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