Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
