Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
oh god was she eating orange peels again
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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