i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
