Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
