We're like a lot better than the average bears
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
