You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
