I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize