the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
