I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
