Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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