i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
