listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Houston, we have a squirter
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
