Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
