If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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