what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
