Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
