ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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