I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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