it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
