you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
