I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
