in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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