i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
