Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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