But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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