dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
