Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
