sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
