It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You ruined the universe
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
