i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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