Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
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Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
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Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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