Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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