Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
