Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
