3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
