if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
