haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
